I am spending my child support on dildos
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
