I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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