We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can I color on your dick again?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My feet surprised me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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