4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
