now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
