:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
