just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
