You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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