two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
