you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
