u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I need to stop coming to work sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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