i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
