They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is the high leading the old right now
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I smell like Dick and happiness
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