explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
