my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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