Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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