me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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