so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
