i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
