He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
