She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
