Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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