i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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