just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
