how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
