No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
