Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
