i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
