i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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