Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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