every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
