he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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