obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
