There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
