I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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