I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
