I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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