Only a mothe r could love this liver
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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