every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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