girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
