the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
