I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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