he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
