that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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