thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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