If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
