We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
