You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
