My first STD was from a foam party
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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