I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
