lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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